Not all children are talkative. A quiet child can cause significant frustration for their parents, who want to know how things went at school or daycare. Were there any problems? What experiences did their child learn from? However, some children simply do not share their events!
Nicola Schmitt, a German journalist and mother of two who has written several best-selling books on parenting, states, "This is because they are not asked the right questions." The traditional question, "How was school today?" usually results in a dull answer of "Okay." Similarly, the question "Don't you want to talk about it?" is met with disinterest, and the answer is often "No."
Schmitt suggests asking questions like: "Did anything fun happen today?" or "If you were a magician, who would you want to make disappear today?" To find out what went particularly well, parents can ask their child what they would like to do again if given the chance.
Since children live in the present moment and their school day has already passed by the time parents ask, Schmitt recommends playful questions to understand what is on their minds, such as, "If your stuffed toy was your teacher, what is the one thing you would really want to tell them?"
Schmitt emphasizes that this approach is also effective with teenagers, who can be asked casually, "Did you learn anything really useful today?" If a son or daughter unexpectedly starts talking, the first rule is for parents to "close their mouths and not interrupt," according to Schmitt, who advises against giving advice based on their reactions in similar situations.
However, complete silence is also not appropriate. When a child speaks, parents should nod to show they are fully listening. This is effective when parents interject in the dialogue with conversational sounds at the ends of sentences like "Ah," "Uh-huh," and "Mmm." Schmitt describes these as "social murmurs."
