Some relationships may appear ideal and positive at first, but they gradually transform into "toxic relationships." Dr. Elizabeth Scott, a psychology and family counseling expert at San Diego University, warns about their dangers, describing them as the greatest threat to individuals' emotional, mental, and even physical well-being. Dr. Scott explains that the individuals causing these toxic relationships may struggle with mental health issues such as bipolar disorder, severe depression, or narcissism, while individuals susceptible to toxic relationships tend to be sensitive to negative emotions.
#### Signs of a Toxic Relationship
Dr. Elizabeth Scott states that relationships involving physical or verbal abuse are certainly classified as toxic, but there are other subtler signs of a toxic relationship, including:
- Feelings of weakness, depletion, and shattered self-confidence.
- Continuous feelings of disrespect and unmet personal needs.
- A constant state of alertness for sudden attacks.
- Feelings of depression, anger, or exhaustion after being with the toxic person.
- Making significant efforts to please and satisfy the other party.
- Fostering negative emotions such as cruelty, resentment, hatred, and pain.
#### How to Deal with Toxic Behavior?
Marriage counselor Barry Soskind from Los Angeles advises starting by identifying the behaviors that cause emotional abuse, such as infidelity, deceit, or a tendency to create drama or conflict. Dr. Soskind offers several helpful tips for eliminating "toxicity" from relationships, regardless of their nature:
- **Do Not Get Swept Up in Their Reality**
Individuals in toxic relationships often view themselves as victims in every situation, and when they make mistakes, they blame others. Remaining silent or supporting their viewpoint may seem like a safe choice to avoid anger or conflict, but it results in the listener becoming a constant partner in their struggles. While disagreements may disturb them and fuel their aggression, they can be beneficial in reducing their attempts to involve the other party in their disputes.
- **Pay Attention to How You Feel**
Some individuals may say rude things unintentionally; however, we must question whether insults, lies, or any form of emotional or verbal abuse overshadow our interactions with these individuals. Regardless of the reasons behind personal conflicts, they do not justify the abuse, and we should not accept it.
- **Talk to Them About Their Behavior**
Often, people who manipulate others or create tragic situations are unaware of how their behavior affects others. An open conversation may help them realize that their behavior is unacceptable. To keep things neutral, one should stick to "I" statements that make the other party feel less accused.
- **Say "No" and Walk Away**
Sticking to a refusal can be challenging, especially when someone tries to make us feel guilty to change our minds. However, if we decide to say "no," we should not back down. The more we practice saying "no" to things that make us uncomfortable, the easier it becomes.
- **Remember You Are Not at Fault**
Toxic individuals often accuse those they interact with of unfair treatment or neglecting their needs. This drives the accused to defend themselves. Instead of reacting impulsively, a simple response such as, "I’m sorry you feel that way," can be sufficient.
- **Make Yourself Unavailable**
Reducing the amount of time spent with people who act toxic may be an appropriate solution to stop them from trying to drain our emotional resources.
- **Boundaries Are Essential for Protection**
It’s difficult to remain unaffected by negative and aggressive comments, so we should redefine our personal boundaries by determining what we want and what we will not tolerate. Then, express these boundaries clearly and commit to them.
- **Stay Calm**
Focusing on health during a toxic relationship is crucial. Thus, slowly and deeply breathing when feeling distressed, along with relaxing muscles instead of tensing them, can help distract from anger and negative emotions that may seep inward.
