In confirmation of the French saying, "He who pays commands," some men cannot accept that a woman earns a salary greater than theirs, thus becoming the primary breadwinner of the family. They perceive this situation as a blow to their masculinity, triggering their sensitivity and sometimes even resentment, which can lead to severe consequences for the marital relationship unless both parties recognize the need to navigate this phase with minimal losses.
Women's work is not new, nor is their contribution to family expenses alongside men. However, the economic crisis has significantly altered family economics, depriving some men of their jobs and crushing the salaries of others. On the other hand, it has created a gap between dollar salaries or adjusted salaries and low salaries in Lebanese pounds, where women have at times emerged as the main beneficiaries.
It has not been easy for couples to transition into the woman being the primary provider, as the man is traditionally seen as the family's breadwinner while a woman's job is often regarded as supplementary, if not marginal. According to researcher and consultant on women's and gender issues, Izzat Baydoun, this stems from the entrenched gender identity of men based on the pillar of provision. In reality, however, she asserts that women have been a fundamental contribution to family expenses for a long time.
Baydoun points to an ideological backdrop for this mentality: "Islamic teachings state that men are guardians over women, which men interpret as they please, especially when they hear from a religious authority that women are not obliged to contribute to household expenses. If they do, they earn merit, but if they challenge their husbands, they lose that merit and are punished." In Christianity, the notion that man is the head of the woman has diminished, leading to efforts toward gender equality, to the extent that men now threaten their wives with complaints to the priest if they do not provide adequately for the family.
### A Stunted Masculinity?
Hussein, an employee in the public sector, has always considered himself responsible for meeting all the family's needs, viewing his wife's earnings from a private company as her right; "If she contributes to the expenses, I return it to her." Amid the economic crisis, the company adjusted his wife's salary to "dollarize" it, resulting in her earning 12 million pounds plus 300 dollars a month, whereas "the state is still stuck in 2019 and does not account for the ongoing collapse, giving me only two and a half million pounds, which is effectively the transportation cost to work." Consequently, Hussein can no longer bear this "burden" alone, and his wife has become the family's primary provider, which "makes me feel constrained and helpless, even though she has never made me feel that way, neither through words nor actions."
His colleague, Said, is in a much worse situation. Said resents the disparity between his salary and that of his wife. Hussein recounts how Said remains "troubled and smokes excessively, as if he is venting his anger into his pipe," repeating, "How can I look her in the face when she is the one supporting me? I feel like I am the woman and she is the man." He expresses a desire to ask her to quit her job "to restore my stunted masculinity," but then realizes, "But how will we live?"
### The Marital Relationship
Beyond the psychological effects of men's diminished financial capacity and their "inability" to meet their family's needs, some marital relationships are impacted when the responsibility of providing shifts from men to women. In a qualitative study on domestic violence conducted by Baydoun involving 11 men who committed violence against their wives and are now either in prison or receiving psychological treatment, it was revealed that "10 of them abuse their wives because they feel their masculinity is diminished after their financial conditions deteriorated." While these cases represent extreme situations, the more common experience of heightened tension in marital relationships cannot be generalized, indicating a pre-existing dysfunction that crises have allowed to surface. Baydoun encourages solidarity between partners during difficult times, advising wives to "avoid making their husbands feel inferior."
As soon as the economic crisis surfaced, Mazen, in his fifties, was laid off from his job at a shoe factory and delegated all expenses to his wife. "Suddenly, she boasted about her newfound power and no longer respected me. Additionally, she began to criticize me if I fell short in my household duties and seized every opportunity to remind me that she was the one supporting the household," he complains. Their marital relationship deteriorated to the point of nearly resulting in divorce had it not been for family intervention. Later, Mazen found another job, and things returned to normal, "but what happened left scars that will never heal," he says.
### The Wife Also Suffers
While the transfer of financial responsibilities from the man to the woman, with her becoming the primary provider, creates sensitivity and pressure on men, it does not spare women, who find themselves needing to juggle work while also managing their husbands' emotions and being attentive to the smallest details in their relationship. Suha complains about her husband's excessive irritability and newfound sensitivity, noting that "the same requests and comments I made before the disparity in our salaries used to cause no problems, but now he views them as insults and always responds with the memorized retort: 'You are earning well because you are paying for the house!'"
Abeer has always been the primary contributor to the family's expenses, but her husband used to share these costs equally. However, the economic crisis has decimated her husband's salary, creating a significant gap between their earnings. He can now only afford to pay the electricity bill, while Abeer covers all other expenses, including rent, food costs, and school fees for the children. Even though "the patriarchal mindset of 'I am the man of the house' has not dominated our relationship since the beginning of our marriage," she notices that he feels constrained and weakened by this situation. "I became aware of the issue and began laying all my salary before him," which used to remain in her purse, "as a sign that this salary belongs to both of us, so he doesn't have to ask me when he needs money."
