A few days ago, I contacted a young man determined to get rid of his car, which he considered the best Japan has produced since the youth of Emperor Hirohito. I asked him about his car's model, horsepower, engine power, mileage, tires, and specifications, and his answer was well-prepared: "A bride. Like a bee. Agile. Active. It pulls uphill, God bless (the technical term 'Nerveuse') super. Desired by everyone and agreed upon by all, sourced from India. Comfortable. It won’t break down on you." Before we began negotiating the price, he swore, "By the life of my children, with its terrible mechanics and the extraordinary body, it will run for a minimum of six years, and we will not argue over the price."
After this exciting pitch, I asked him where I could see it. He said, "On the road to Baabda, beloved heart." I thought for a moment that the man was promoting MP Fares Boustan's candidacy as a fully acceptable candidate to Gibran and everyone else. I promised him I would consider it and asked him for a moment to make some calls. I missed asking the young man how much he spends on fuel for his car. What I know is that "a president just fills it up and forgets it." Even the battery runs for three extra years. That is exactly what we need.
Some people want presidential specifications similar to those of a "set of German pans," meaning sturdy, effective, heat-retaining, guaranteed… and most importantly, non-stick. The president is cooked and then served after maturity. France proposed specifications for the future president: knowledgeable in economics, moderate in politics, athletic, enjoys swimming and surfing, and is unattached.
The national duo aspires to see a president who is a mix of Aoun, Frenjieh, Bassil, Emile Lahoud, and Rahmeh, with a resistant thought and opposing approach, who has a distinctive presence and a pleasant personality. Hassan Fadlallah for a Maronite.
Walid Bey set specific criteria for the president based on Sarakis' measure. A little fatter, a little shorter, a little older. It doesn’t matter to him. The "Wise" wrote a prescription: one dose of sovereignty on an empty stomach for six years and three capsules for reform and heart safety. And a remedy to forget Aoun.
The reformists, with 13 opinions, agreed on the attractiveness of the beards of both natural and exceptional candidates but disagreed on the style. One MP prefers a neat, groomed beard, not necessarily that of the Kataeb's Sami, but dominated by black hair, while a female MP prefers a streaked beard in gray, like that of Wadah Al-Sadiq, and others opt for a plain white beard. (Ibrahim Al-Saqr is out of the race).
The Maronite Patriarch has not and will not enter the game of names. His opinion is limited to the specifications. He prefers a president with a shaved head, strong build, and willpower, from a well-known judicial family, with a height between 182 and 192 centimeters.
Deputy Jamil Aboud, if he were born Maronite, would be the most handsome choice Allah created to be the fourteenth president. It seems we are amid specifications for Mr. Lebanon, not for a president aspiring to succeed "the father of all" who is ambitious to succeed himself. The Aounists are the decisive and final voice as guardians of the seat. Their only problem is that they are torn between the specifications of "Mr. Lebanon," who is strong, and "Mr. Lebanon," who is shiluff.
